He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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