I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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