i just wanna soil my oats bro
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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