I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
