So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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