Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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