My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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