my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
