So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
