My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
