You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
