The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
