I can text with my tongue
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
