i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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