We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Found the puke drawer
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
