coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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