Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
