I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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