So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
