I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
