I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
