The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
