he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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