he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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