I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
