Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
