if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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