At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
