dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
