He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
