The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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