Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
