You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
