Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
