either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
