Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize