Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
