Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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