i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
