dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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