some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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