Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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