weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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