You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
