I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize