I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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