i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
