he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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