Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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