I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
