You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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