You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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