My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
