Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
