my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
well, you know. whores of a feather.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
