That's intense
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize