All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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