3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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