My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize