what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
