His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Acid is not a monday night drug
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
