im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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