You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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