Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
