you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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