Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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