The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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