he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
