Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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