I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
