3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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