I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My ass is underappreciated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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