I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
love makes seman taste better
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
