if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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