I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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