i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
