AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
