if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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