i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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