I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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