How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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