I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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