the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
