Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
