I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
