One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
