I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
