Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize